The Moment I Realized my Paradigm Was Limiting Me
Stepping onto the stage and into the light was one of the most exhilarating and scariest times of my life. Walking the path of change and transformation is an ongoing process, and a rich part of my life that I am most passionate about. I realized that even though I have been studying these principles for over a decade now, there is a part of me that didn’t really believe I was worthy of sharing my wisdom.
This is when I knew that I was operating under a paradigm of not enoughness. When I would book workshops at my local community centre, I would visualize having a sold out venue, but when the day would come and no one signed up, I almost sighed with relief. When I posted podcasts or Instagram videos and they didn’t receive any attention, I felt almost safe in the shadows. Visibility, in this instance, felt unsafe because it meant that I would be seen and if I was seen, I could be judged.
Judged for not knowing enough, judged for what I do know. Judged for not having a diverse enough array of information, or judged for the beliefs I held about the subjects I spoke about. There was a strong part of me that held me back from fully shining because I was afraid of not being accepted or worthy enough to be up on stage. These underlying patterns of belief caused me to doubt myself, procrastinate on projects, or downplay my knowledge so that I didn’t stick out.
The funny thing I am learning about paradigms is the practical way they present themselves to us in our moments of vulnerability. And our moments of green growing edge behaviour. I remember when I was making a cold call to a Women in Business Leadership organization. I told myself that I “only had to make this one call and then I was done”, and it took me almost all day to do it. I would do laundry, make food, tidy the house, go for a walk, and call my mum. I had a list of “important to dos” lined up to “get done” which made me feel accomplished in some way, but in the back of my mind I knew I was avoiding making this call.
When the moment came to actually call the organization, I practiced what I wanted to say just to make sure that “I got it perfect”. On the phone, my mouth went dry, I stuttered over my words and in my head all I was thinking was that I’m being foolish for thinking they’d want someone like me to speak at an organization such as theirs. Then when I ended the call and nothing came from it, I felt both disappointment and relief. Disappointment because I wanted to put myself out there and serve my community in the ways that have served and supported me. Relief because the comfort zone of staying behind the camera felt safer than the watchful eyes of my peers. It was then that I realized that the problem wasn’t my circumstances, it was the lens I was seeing them through.
The lens we see life through is called our paradigm. A paradigm is simply a collection of beliefs that you have thought over and over again until they become “your truth”. The thing is, a belief is neither true or false, it’s just a thought you’ve memorized until your subconscious integrated it into a pattern of thinking. Paradigms shape the way we move through this world because they are below our conscious awareness, and 95% of how we operate in this world is unconscious. This is why we don’t notice them right away, we think this is “just who we are.” And when we go about trying to change a paradigm, it will do everything in its power to stay the status quo. Whatever you have been thinking, up until now, has served in your survival. Therefore, paradigms have your best interest in mind, even when they have a funny way of showing it.
So when I noticed myself procrastinating and avoiding the call, I realized that I was operating under an “I’m only worthy if …” mentality.
I’m only worthy if:
I have a masters in this area
I have been studying this material for decades
I am older and wiser
I created and researched this material on my own
As I have been expanding my visibility, a protective part of my paradigm has been rising up to keep me safe. It was asking “are we even allowed to be here?” The truth is that we are all students, teachers and leaders in our own right. As we are continuing to live into this human experience, there will always be more to learn and grow from. With this in mind, I have allowed myself to take a breath and relax into this idea. One reframe that has allowed me to continue to take steps to serve my dream has been to remind myself that I am stewarding and translating powerful ideas that continuously change my life. That I am not claiming to have all of the answers, but rather, choose to carry this wisdom like a torch to guide others along the path.
Firstly, noticing the symptoms of the paradigm (i.e., procrastination and avoidance) were great indicators of something deeper going on. Then getting curious with my paradigm and asking why I really didn’t want to make the call, allowed me to go deeper with myself and rework the beliefs that limited my growth. Using curiosity, instead of judgement or blame, became an ongoing tool that I used to begin loosening up the paradigm at work. Finally, reframing the narrative. Up until now, I used to think I wasn’t worthy of sharing my light, but now, I know that I am holding the container for transformation and I don’t have to have all the answers.
Now for you beautiful souls, what belief might be quietly shaping your decisions? Are you noticing behaviours of feeling stuck or repeating old patterns? What story about yourself might no longer be true?
If you’re curious about identifying and shifting your own limiting paradigms, this is the work I explore in my workshops. For those of you who are ready to explore deeper waters, I am always happy to dive into a complementary strategy session together where we discover where you are, what you’d love and the next best step to support you on your path.
Have an awesome day everyone!
Made with love always,
Nikita